While You're Waiting for Equities to Come Back, Why not Invest in Etiquette?

March, 2009, by Ronna Lichtenberg

Recently it's been clear that more people are under more stress. Homeless guys are getting more aggressive about handouts. My neighborhood seems slightly more dangerous (my offce got broken into last week.) And my friends who are lucky enough to have jobs are unlucky enough to be working really long hours and sitting in too many meetings.

It's enough to make a person cranky, and lots of folks are. I do understand it...it is easier to cut vendors, or squeeze vendors on terms (like me) than to cut your own staff or in-house projects. I've done the same thing and would again.

BUT ....there are ways to do it that mean that "vendor" will still be there for you when you may need him or her, that don't cost money. They just cost time and manners.

A few days ago I had the chance to experience a world class let down.

Here's what happened. I'd been talking to James's company about one of my company's new technology platforms. He liked it. His boss liked it. They liked it so much they wanted me to talk to a colleague. We set a date for following up and life, from my perspective, was good.

We called back on the appointed date and entered that twilight zone of non-responsiveness that can mean anything or nothing.

And then James called. With utmost graciousness, he explained that their budgets had been cut so much there was no use our even coming back for a meeting---it was too long a reach and would at this point be a waste of our time. BUT...he said that he liked what we're doing, and wanted to stay in touch, and that we could get back together again when the Dow gets itself back together.

He got everything right.

1. He made the call. Himself. He didn't have a junior person blow us off. He didn't just avoid the phone. He treated us with respect by making an effort.

2. He didn't make it be about us. It wasn't that we were...too expensive, not good enough, didn't come in purple, or couldn't do cartwheels. It was just that he couldn't afford anything right now. Now this seems obvious, but what I am hearing from some people who are being laid off is that they feel like they are getting the message that maybe they just weren't ever very good, and I am hearing about programs that were praised six months are never being positioned as having always been a waste of money.

My cautionary advice is that even thought it is more tempting than ever to go to a sour grapes place about what you want that you really can't afford right now (like that Searle sweater I've been stalking) ...when it comes to your business relationships, don't.

3. He left the door open. This wasn't...go away and never darken my door. This was...hey, not now but maybe later. Which meant when I got off the phone, I felt like I still had a relationship with James...which I guess I do.

I know this seems obvious and easy and it is. On the other hand, we are all tired, insomniac, overwhelmed and maybe not in the mood to extend ourselves one centimeter further, paricularly for someone we are already paying, for goodness sake.

And yet. About two hours after I got off the phone with James, I got a forwarded note from someone we will call Daisy, another vendor who sells services to big compaies. The note was from a former client of hers, who had forgotten he had stiffed her on a bill, and then not been available to talk to her about it despite her repeated efforts to do so. He had moved onto another job, which he had just lost. Having clearly forgotten that he hadn't been responsive to Daisy, or maybe having not even noticed, he had written to her asking for her help with his job search. She is a good person. And I have to say.... she forwarded the note to me so we could shake our heads ruefully over his nerve, not put our heads together to figure out how to help him.

Elegant business etiquette is money in the bank. Or maybe...given the way things are going...even better.